The Engagement Surprise

As everyone that is acquainted with me knows, I officially agreed to marry an amazing man this week. He worked incredibly hard to surprise me in addition to giving me a ring that he designed himself. I feel so honored that he chose me and I get to spend the rest of my life with this man. Yet I was surprised about the other feelings that came with the event. This dark overwhelming shadow descended upon me almost immediately. I became completely overwhelmed, crying for no reason and unable to talk about wedding plans. There was this part of me that was initially ashamed to admit to these seemingly unacceptable feelings that were accompanying a joyful moment in my life. Regardless when you're crying randomly for no reason its hard to hide the feelings. I've found myself not knowing how to let other people into this joy. It seems so deeply personal to me. At the same time trying not to be numb. Finding that this coping mechanism for intense pain might have accidentally taken over all emotions. I state all of this to claim the following. When in the presence of God these things are but small nuisances. They are nothing but small matters that He obliterates in seconds. If one has not experienced it one would probably say, "That's too easy. Don't you have to do something? A ritual, exercise, something?" Nope just sit in his presence.