Patient Endurance

That's what its about right now.  I'm holding out and hoping for my dreams, the ones God has promised me.

Ok God

It seems as if God is telling me to take it day by day. Instead of worrying about tomorrow or the next 5 years it appears he is telling me to just let him provide for today.  The tomorrow he will get to tomorrow.  See I was all about praying for the impossible.  I'm not saying you shouldn't pray  for the impossible, but sometimes as a wise friend said, "Maybe you should pray for the possible."  So I started doing just that.  Through that it seemed as if God was whispering to me, "Look, I'm even going to take care of this little thing, so don't worry about the big stuff."  Hmmm...I think there's something in the Bible about this...somewhere in Matthew.  "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?"  So will I keep praying for the impossible?  Of course!  I'm going to keep praying for an amazing job for my man and for an enormous outdoor party for my wedding where I can invite everyone I want.  Yet I'm also going to pray for the possible like $100.oo for a phone bill when there is only $14 in the account, a ride to the grocery store, or a place to do laundry when I've given all my quarters away.  Why?  Because I serve a God that wants to do both the possible and the impossible.

Waiting in Weirdness

I feel like I'm in a very strange place right now.  These are the facts:

• God is faithful.
• He has a solid history of coming through for me.
• He has insisted I ask for more than I think is possible or even necessary.
• I really believe I am pursuing what he wants me to pursue.
• Places he's made promises it seems as if he's not only not coming through, but actually withdrawing.
• But my God is good and faithful.

So I'm kind of just waiting.  Trying really hard not be frustrated because I know that God, my God whom I am in deep relationship has yet to let me down.  Yet he's not working on a time frame or in a way I understand.  This is challenging...

Do You Trust Me?

So I was praying for a friend tonight and her main concern was about really trusting God.  I feel like God is asking me just that question about my money right now.  He's asking, "Do you trust me?"  See he started working this thing about money in me right after Christmas and its been scary at times, but really good.  He took me through a process of letting go and being more generous.  It is ultimately what led me to sell my car and move to the apartment I did.  Its been great fun giving money away and being generous with people.  Now the likelihood of a huge financial commitment has come up recently and left me wondering, "Do I trust him?"  I haven't been purposely saving as aggressively as I had been before Christmas and yet I have more money than I ever have and I feel like that is proof alone that I am approaching my finances the way I need to be.  Yet I feel this voice in my head saying, "If you don't start saving aggressively for this thing you'll be sorry."  Will I?  Don't I have a God that cares enough about me to have intervened so many times to get me to this place?  Will he not take care of this?  Do I trust him?

Don't Forget Its a Battle

That's what I did.  I forgot that I am in a battle in a war that's been won.  Satan doesn't want us to be awesome for God.  He'll do whatever it takes to keep us from it whether it be shame, guilt, lies that we can't do it, whatever.  I started to forget how God saw me, started to rely on my own goodness.  That never gets me far.  But alas I have a very faithful God that shows up with the truth every time.  What can I say? I serve an amazing God. 

God Friends

Sometimes I just need my friends to remind me the truth about the God I serve.

Frustration

Feeling very frustrated.  Feeling like every time I take a step forward I take two steps backwards immediately.  Wanting to be better than I am.  Feeling like I'm losing focus.  Not knowing how to navigate my relationship with God right now.